My Journey Through Christianity-Nothing, Something and Everything (conclusion)

An informal apology     part 1, part 2, part 3  part 4  part 5  part 6

So one evening, while I had been in intense fasting and prayer for several days, I was laying in my bed praying myself to sleep. A feeling of euphoria began to move over me. This was similar to but still very different to the experience from my experimentation with different kinds of meditation. I had been in deep states of meditation before and this was not that. A feeling of heaviness and lightness came over me. It was clearly physical but there was something else also.

God was in my room. My eyes were closed by I could still see his essence. There was a feeling of peace and love unknown to me. I could feel my inner self tearing away from my body wanting nothing more than to be where this love and peace was. I separated from my self. My spirit had to go and worship. For the first time I became aware of my spirit not in concept or idea or the thing we talk about, but I was my spirit and my body.

In my body I could feel, I assume the chemicals that make feelings like endorphins were running rampant. My body was in a state of ecstasy. I had thoughts as my brain was trying to make sense of things, all I could think about was the beauty of this place, the love, the peace. I was aware of my arms and legs and the other parts of my body as they were heavy and light in this presence.

My spirit not having a brain didn’t think, not having eyes it didn’t see, without the body it didn’t feel sensations or emotions. I just existed. I was aware but not in a way that I can describe by physical human experience.

While being aware of my physical presence on the bed I was aware of my spiritual presence that was stationed in the upper right hand corner of my room. I was at a threshold between this world and another. On this side, my room. On the other was infinity. Infinite love, peace and quite simply the unexplainable. Human words and concept don’t have compatibility with this infinite presence. How else can I say it except that the entire universe was in the upper right hand corner of my room?

The presence was so great the my body couldn’t contain my spirit  and leaped from my self to worship. A kind of worship that doesn’t exist here but can taste in church at times. I didn’t see heaven and I don’t know what It is in concept. The bible says there are many mansions. There are different doctrines and teachings about what heaven is and what happens when you die. I don’t know any of this except one thing and that is that heaven is the place God is. That is the place where I want to be. To be in that state of worship for eternity.

While we were there together we spoke. Not with words but a kind of transference of knowing. He told me many wonderful things and clarified some things for me. Some things more simple to use words to describe in part. Others only my spirit remembers and can know. Some knowledge is for the brain and body. Some is for the soul.

He revealed himself as Jesus Christ. He was not the persona that we see in pictures or imagine in our head as the Son. He was the Trinity. The complete and whole essence. Now I just said that and am going to contradict my self but he wasn’t all there. He kept some part of himself away. I never passed the threshold and my eyes never saw it. My spirit knew of it. Was in Christ’s presence but still on this side.

“I am the Truth, the Light, and the Way.” “I AM.”

This is the best truth my mind can know and I can try to analogize it for you if you like. My soul knows this also but this Is true knowledge and I cannot define it for you.

Much can be said of this experience both positive and critical. I could not believe that I once held a pencil in my hand. Nor do I believe any thing at all now but just one thing. Jesus

As contradictory as it may sound, now that I have found him, Truth and Reality in its perfection. I will continue to search him with my whole heart.


About TheEpistemologist

If I don't know it I want to. If I haven't been there I want to go there. If I haven't tasted it I want to taste it. Life, An adventurous journey I wil take to the end.
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3 Responses to My Journey Through Christianity-Nothing, Something and Everything (conclusion)

  1. Eilish Niamh says:

    What an incredible experience. As a pagan, I have had a different, though similar moment when I felt and became part of all that is, and the joy–that’s not even the right word–is profound. Beyond words. I plan to write about it soon. It changes you, you are never the same. Part of the pattern to which we all belong, I am moved by your accounting of it. Blessings to you.

    • ohh!! Thank you, I cant wait to hear your account. I hope you write it soon. In your first comment here you said “I’m fascinated to learn how you balanced skepticism with spirituality” Im curious to know what you think about my conclusion, what it means to you, and if you think I balanced skepticism with spirituality? Don’t be shy iv learned to have thick skin as many of my friends are Pagan, Atheist, Agnostic, etc. Iv often been the minority of my social circles. And enjoy these conversations.

      If I don’t reply to your story it means I missed it some how so be sure to let me know you wrote it if you don’t hear from me 🙂

  2. Pingback: Questions about the Existence of my self, the Universe and the Future of Human thought and Science | TheEpistemologist

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